Rachel's "If the Shoe Wins"

If the Shoe Wins
by Rachel Kuskie

I’m superstitious about shoes.

I don’t collect shoes, or compulsively buy shoes, or feel that “the shoes make the outfit.” I drive, and the most important thing I wear is not my shirt, not my helmet, not my seatbelt. It’s the shoes.

When I race and lose, I blame my shoes. I couldn’t feel the pedals well enough. My left foot slipped off the break and I left too soon. My right foot didn’t hit the gas soon enough and I left too late. I shifted wrong. I was watching the lights but got distracted by a bug flying across the windshield. When anything goes wrong, when anything goes right, when I see the other racer’s win light go on, I blame my shoes.
The red New Balance had too much tread, it felt like there was 6 inches of rubber between my foot and the pedals. The black and pink Nikes were shaped wrong, they pushed my toes too closely together. The pink Pumas were obviously made for walking, not driving. The plaid Converse were the wrong color. Basically, they were all bad luck.

After collecting too many losses it became a ritual. I would come home and think about the day of racing, run through every mistake, every possibility, and every ten-thousandth of a second during the day, the weeks, sometimes the months of losing. Then I grab my “racing shoes” and throw them in the garbage. The next pair will make me win.

Then, I found them. The perfect shoes. They don’t match my outfit, just my car. A pair of bright yellow Converse All Stars to match the yellow of my Corvette. In those shoes I can feel the pedals just right. Feel the vibration of the engine from the tips of my toes to my hands gripping the steering wheel. Feel just the right time to go. In these shoes I don’t think about the twist of anxiety in my stomach before the race begins, or my hands slipping on the steering wheel from nervous perspiration, or the piece of hair I can’t get out of my face before every race. In my shoes I don’t need to think about what to do or how to race. I get in my car, do my burnout, stage the car, watch the yellow lights drop, and go. Watch my yellow shaped “W” win light turn on. Watch the yellow flash of the camera go off while I stand in the winner’s lane. Collect some green cash. Go back next week and do it again, in the same shoes.

And after several years of drag racing experience I have learned: if the shoe wins, wear it.