Art's "Wow I'm Fat"

Wow I’m fat
By Art Lindsay

I could feel the sweat begin to bead on my forehead as I shifted through the clothing on the rack. “I hope no one sees me. Just pick something and get out of here,” I told myself. The people in the store looked at me strangely. Things weren’t going well. I had no clue what size would fit. A size ten seemed big enough.

I walked toward the fitting room and I could feel the heat coming off my face. At this point people had to be suspicious. The dressing room attendant directed me to an open fitting room. I quickly tried to put the skirt on and to my dismay it didn’t fit. It was nowhere close to fitting. And at that moment I knew things would be much more difficult than I had imagined they would be.

It was Halloween and I had decided to go as Sarah Palin. I thought it would be a simple costume. I would just get a skirt and a blouse, and find some cheap heals at the local discount clothing store. Little did I know that finding these items would leave me self-conscious about my looks and weight.

When I got home I was shocked at the size difference between men and women’s clothing. The skirt I had bought was a size 14. Four sizes larger than what I thought would fit comfortably. My blouse was a XXL. This was a leap from the usual medium I wear in men’s sizes. The heals were a size 12. And the make up? Don’t even get me started on the price of make-up, girlfriend!

I looked at my costume in disgust. I remembered multiple shopping trips with my girlfriend and her complaining about her weight and looks. After every shopping trip I had been on with her she would be filled with anger about her looks and weight. And she was a size ZERO! I had always thought that she was being ridiculous and selfish. But now I knew why she was so upset all those times.
“She’s a size zero and upset with her weight. I’m a size 14!” I thought to myself as I looked in the mirror. I began to obsess about losing weight. The knot of anxiety grew in my stomach. When I put on the clothes I never thought about how ridiculous I looked. All I could thing about was my weight and if I looked proportionate in the clothes I was wearing. I eventually told myself to have fun and to not hold myself up to these ridiculous standards.

It was easy not to hold myself to the standards of what a woman should look like. I am a man, and women’s clothing doesn’t fit me well for mainly that reason. But the experience did enlighten me to the standards our culture places on women and their looks. Every magazine in the grocery store check out is full of images of slim, slender, beautiful women. How could a woman not look at these magazines and think, “Wow, I’m fat.”

As fashion week starts, and the hip and wealthy around the world celebrate wafer thin freaks of nature strutting down the runway. For the first time I can see past what is being presented on the surface. Presenting women with images and standards they can never live up to is good business and the prices on vanity items continue to go up.

The last time I went shopping with my girlfriend things went better. As she became disheartened about her looks I actually understood what she was going through. Instead of dismissing her frustration as ridiculous I asked her about the unrealistic standards women face in our culture. It sparked a good debate and in the end she looked at me as though I wasn’t just a caveman that merely cared about sex and football. I just hope she doesn’t judge me for being a size 14.