Charles' "The Hat"

The Hat
by Charles Simpson

I wake up every day and my routine is always the same. I do the 3 S’s (Shower, Sh*t, Shave) and then I get dressed. I usually grab whatever shirt is the closest, and cleanest, combined with my baggy blue SilverTab jeans or shorts, depending on the weather. I put my black Nike no-show socks on slowly as I adjust to my new state of mind. I search my disheveled room for my all black Nike Airmax LTDs and then make my way to the kitchen for breakfast. After a big cold bowl of Frosted Flakes and chocolate milk, it’s time for my day to start. Before I walk out of my place I grab all the essentials like my SlimClip wallet, my keys, my Blackberry, and my cherry Chapstick. Finally, as I make my way through the door I’m always reminded by the bright sun that I almost forgot the most important thing: My hat. Every day I do the same little routine and every day I always almost forget my beloved hat.

It’s weird that something so crucial to me is almost forgotten, but once I put my favorite hat on I remember why I love it.

When I was twelve, a homeless man once told me, “There’s nothing like a good hat, sonny!” Well, okay, I never actually talked to any homeless people, but I can imagine that would be the kind of wisdom a homeless man would give. His advice would be a seemably useless statement that I would initially laugh hysterically at, but then the more I think about it the more I would realize that his statement couldn’t be any more true.

My favorite hat is a simple fitted black hat. No crazy brand names on it, no stupid logos or symbols, no goofy hippie-tastic designs, no frayed brims, no Velcro or plastic fasteners. Just a plain black ha, PBH, size 7¼ that I’ve worn any time I’ve done something good or life altering. I won my first paintball tournament, I went to my first days of high school and college, I went on my first date, I met my best friends, I met my current girlfriend, and I’ve taken every final in the past 7 years in my plain black hat. If I’ve done anything significant, and I like to think that I have, I’ve done it in my plain black hat.

If I were Popeye, my spinach would be my plain black hat. Anything that is impossible becomes possible, anything big and scary becomes small and funny, any challenge turns into an accomplishment, Pepsi turns into Coke, smelly things start to smell like freshly cut grass, and anything lame becomes awesome whenever I have my PBH on. Even as I write these words, PBH is at work. This article would have normally been just okay, but now my hat has made it super cool! Well, at least I think so. And now as I gaze and reflect about my experiences with PBH, I realize it won’t last forever.

Will I be able to wear my hat when I propose? Will I wear it when my first child is born? Will I have it when I finally get that nice six-figure job? Will I wear this hat while my kids grow up? Will I wear this hat when I die? I realize now that it isn’t the hat that makes things happen, I make it all happen. I make my life what it is and I control what I do and how I feel. Do I really need this hat? Or does this hat need me? I make my own way and my hat is just on my head enjoying the ride.

Maybe I won’t wear my PBH today. Then again, you can never be too sure. Let’s go hat, we’ve got things to do!